Slackerville: The Bonk Chronicles

To Whom It May Concern:

My predictions for week three were disgusting and terrible and I want to issue a formal apology to all my faithful minions who read this blog regularly. I bust my tail to give it to you live and direct and I was just wrong this week.

THE UGLY:

I predicted that Kansas would win at South Florida. Wrong.

I predicted that UCLA would win at BYU. Very, very wrong I didn’t see this ass whooping coming at all. Max Hall and the Cougars really lit it up. I THOUGHT that since BYU barely won at Washington that they were not as good as advertised. I THOUGHT that since UCLA beat a good Tennessee team at home in week 1 that they were better than advertized. All this led me to believe that UCLA would win the game. However 5 frickin’ 9 to Nothing, Zip, Zero later, I realized that I am an idiot and should be banished from my Mac book until further notice. (Single tear running down my cheek).

P.S. I did not inhale.

I predicted that Georgia would win handily at South Carolina.

I stated:

“What’s a goon to a goblin? I assure you the Gamecocks will be able to tell you after this SEC East clash. USC has a very good defense especially their interior line and linebacking core, however Georgia led by Knowshon Moreno has too many weapons to be stopped. Georgia wins 42-17.”

What really happened:

Georgia needed not one but two last minute defensive stands to beat Gamecocks in Columbia. I must say that South Carolina has a defense that is very nasty and if their offense ever comes around they are going to raise hell in the SEC East. Georgia should not lose stock because every team has some close games during the year it is standard protocol. However, with the murderous schedule in Georgia’s near future they better pick it up or be banished from the top 25.

I predicted that Fresno State would beat Wisconsin at home.

Even though the score was close Wisconsin manhandled the Bulldogs all game long and the outcome really was not in jeopardy even though the Badgers won by three. This was not as egregious error as the first few game predictions but I was still wrong. I am not worthy, I’m not worthy!!!!!

I predicted that Michigan would beat Notre Dame.

Notre Dame won the battle winning handily 35-17. The war was lost, however, when Charlie Weiss the head coach for the Irish tore his ACL on the sideline. At this point I am unstable and a legitimate threat for suicide. Help……..please……. I suck at predicting games.

The Good

Hey everybody!!! The only two games I got right were the USC game and the Oklahoma game. I almost got the score right to the USC game and everybody including small prisonbound kindergarteners knew that OU was going to hang 79 thousand on the Huskies. Therefore, I will predict games for this coming week tomorrow but I will not deface 6 Mag anymore until I get my act together. I am competing unattached until further notice. I pray that my minions and evil football do-gooders will keep me in their thoughts and hearts as I fight through this. I swear I’ll make this up to you.

Sincerely, Your Fearless Loser El’ Captain Clayborne